i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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