At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
