True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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