I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
