Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
