saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
porn star boner night. come get it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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