She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
try to milk me bitch
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