reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
