My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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