I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
