Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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