how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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