I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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