Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
