turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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