my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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