just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
