i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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