Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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