and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
