I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
