so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
