the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
