no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
