she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
