Swine flu. Run for my life!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
