plz talk dirty to me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
