apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
