i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
