i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
