i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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