I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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