How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I party with great urgency now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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