Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
