I'm going to jail i love you
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i think my cat just said my name.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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