Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
