I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
