My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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