Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
