I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
