Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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