his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
