i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
