Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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