Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Let's get the cat blown out
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
