Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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