when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
