If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
