I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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