how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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