she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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