so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
