even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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