Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Even my vagina gasped.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
