we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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