Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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